My dearest Blair,
It’s funny. You find yourself in life wishing for things. It happens more when you are older, I guess. Maybe it’s for more money. A house. The new car. A vacation.
I have wanted those things. It’s human nature to want. But as I drove in the middle of the night towards the hospital, you ahead of me in the ambulance with your father, I have never wanted anything so badly in my life. I would have given up everything just to make sure you were OK. And not just OK, but that you would get to live a full life. My prayers on that drive were out loud, pleading with the Lord to protect you. To protect your health. To protect your future. Our future.
Every day I sat in that ICU room holding your hand, wires going every which way, you sleeping among the soft beeping and whirring of machines, and all I could think about were the things I didn’t say. The things I didn’t do. The things we still needed to do. It’s the usual set of emotions when facing the idea that someone could be taken away from you.
Blair, there’s a reason you heard the doctors and nurses say again and again how strong you were. It wasn’t because you were a frail little 7-year-old in a scary situation and they were trying to calm your nerves. It’s because you were there in spite of the situation.
I told you that sometimes we go through trials in life and it takes some time to see the blessings gained from them. Sometimes it takes a very long time. And I told you that four years ago I was told I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with your brother. And I remember being so frustrated and upset because it wasn’t something I have had to deal with before. And there I was. Being educated on how to properly care for you and this new diagnosis when I already knew what to do. I was already comfortable and at ease with everything in front of us. It doesn’t mean that we don’t struggle or have bad days, but we were already so many steps ahead. Four years later and I can now see the blessing my gestational diabetes was.
Blair, it might take time for you to see the blessing in all of this. It might even take until you are a grown woman. But I promise you, as you continue to lean on your Heavenly Father, you will see the good in this. And you will use it to bless others. I cannot wait for that day.
Thank you for teaching me what true strength is. And thank you for helping me daily to find joy in the midst of hardship. You are changing my life day by day.
With all of me and more…