My Dearest Tanner,
Today you turned eight. And I woke up to the repeating realization that these years are going by too quickly. Motherhood is the cruelest, most beautiful, and most bittersweet piece of life that I have ever been able to experience. You arrived and motherhood consumed me. Motherhood showed me who I could be and who I want to be. I would have been lost without being a mother. I would be lost without you.
I have carried you within me, I have held your hand as you learned to walk, wiped your tears as you fell down, I have encouraged you, I have cheered for you, I have felt your fears, I have embraced you when you have needed me and I have watched you all along the way. And every year you get older I realize that, while my job will never end as your mother, you will one day not ask for my hand to steady you, you will wipe your own tears when you fall, you will push yourself and you will conquer your fears.
That is the bittersweet part of you and I, son.
Tanner you have an amazing sensitivity. One that no one would ever know on the outside because you also have an amazing ability at keeping it together. But, Tanner you see situations deeper and you know when people need to be lifted and you wear your heart on your sleeve. Never lose this. It is a true gift and one that I am in awe of everyday.
Remember that people are human. And they make mistakes. Don’t let your perfectionism get in the way of amazing experiences and beautiful people. And remember that you will make mistakes. And that is how it is supposed to be. I will love you through each and every one of them. They will help build you into the person you are to become. And the person you will become is something that I dream about. You are meant to do amazing things. This very thought grips the deepest parts of me and drives all the reason behind me pushing you and teaching you. And loving you. Loving you to the beginning and end of everything that I am.
Don’t have such a close eye on the negative. It will eat away at you. Remember the beautiful parts of life and remember those fleeting moments that make the everyday breathtaking. Because I promise you, despite the darkest of times, life really is breathtaking. I know this because I know you.
Remember to be kind, and speak softly and respect others. Never let fear drive your decisions and never let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Prove them wrong. Time and time again.
Remember that you never know what’s ahead. Say what you need to say now to the people around you. Live in the moment. It will be hard at times because the everyday mundane has the ability to creep in and chip away at time. And you will wake up some days and wonder where the breathtaking moments have gone. When this happens, remember to let go. Simply let go and take a breath and change your focus. Change your focus to those fleeting moments. And your breath will be taken away once again. And it will be beautiful.
Thank you for taking my breath away. Endlessly. Happy Birthday, my sweet Tanner.
With every piece of me and more,
birthday letter, motherhood