It’s funny. I looked back and read my blog post from last year. The words hit me just as much as they did when I wrote them 12 months ago. And I was shocked to realize how much of it I have embraced this past year without even knowng it. How funny it is that we get so intertwined, so wrapped up and stalled with everyday life. The struggles, the harder days the mundane of what we all face day in and day out. But when we give ourselves the chance to look back, the growth that you suddenly discover might be just the inspiration you need to continue forging ahead. Perhaps we all need to give ourselves the time to reflect on the growth more often instead of the ground not covered.
I sit here right now in a season that I never imagined. Well, imagined but still cannot believe how far we have come. Finally being in a place that we have longed to be a part of for years. A place that is filled to the brim with scenery, history, people and places that light us up in a way that we haven’t felt for a long time. A place that makes us excited to wake up every day. A place that has cleared the fog. A place of adventures, of memories to be made and of roots to grow.
But oh how growth can push us to our very limits. With growth comes trials, and struggle, a refining fire that can seem insurmountable at times. I sit here in a state of complete division. On one side, the strength I have felt from making the changes we have is indescribable and an absolute blessing. It has proven to me that we can do hard things. We can keep our eyes fixated on our dreams and goals even with the doubt of others filling our ears. We can do what we say we will even when the steps ahead cannot be seen. We can take the first courageous leap and know with unbridled faith and hope that all will be well.
On the other? The task of rebuilding from the ground up has been an exhausting, and at times, a debilitating quest. Moving meant that we had to shut down Jarett’s company. We also had to get rid of most of our belongings in order to not tack on heavy relocation fees to our already humble moving budget. Developing and working toward a sense of security right now while also replacing everyday things is a heavy load to carry at times. For every message that I receive from someone who has been inspired by what we have done or has wanted to do the same thing, I so badly wish that I could share all of the details without feeling completely exposed. That yes, doing something that you have dreamt of for years is absolutely the most incredible thing. And yes, you should go for it with wild abandon because this one life we have is far too short. But be prepared for the uphill trek. Be prepared for the times that you wake up unsure of how it is going to work out. Be prepared to continue fighting tooth and nail for the vision you have in your head. Gird up your loins and do what needs to be done, because I have heard the view from the top is worth all of it.
So what about this year? What did my 34th year bring in the way of wisdom that I can leave here for someone to read when they need it most? There is one thing I know for sure…
Putting every ounce of myself and the energy I have into faith. True, unwavering faith. The kind of faith that forces you to battle the dialogue and narrative in your head every minute of the day. The kind that leaves you on your knees in both the triumphs and the losses praising Him for the opportunity to experience any of it at all. Giving it all up and trusting that He will meet me in the brightest and darkest of times to walk this chosen path with me. That he will meet me in the messy unknown. That kind of faith has not only strengthened me more than I could ever imagine, but it has also brought literal miracles into my life over the past six months. Miracles that are so obvious it has left me without words. There is a quote that says ‘Those who choose to see God’s hand in everything truly will see God’s hand in everything’. And I know this to be true now more than ever.
So I will wait here in this season of being uncomfortable. I will wait with patience and faith for the vision and the dream is so much bigger and stronger than the struggle and temporary discomfort. For I know it is in this season that I am being stretched in the most beautiful of ways. It is in the waiting that really big and beautiful growth happens and I am here for it. Unbridled faith and all…
This is thirty five.