My Dearest Tanner,
For the last two years you have put one thing on your Christmas list. You have begged and pleaded for another sibling. Whenever I would ask you why your answer was always, “Because we are supposed to have more”. And while Dad and I continued to tell you it wasn’t going to happen, this year you got your wish and our family is currently waiting for this sweet surprise that we definitely did not see coming, but are so excited for. You also were the one to tell me that I was pregnant with your little brother before I even knew back in 2011 which we still look back on and it makes our jaws drop. You speak about your Grandpa Jack as if you have met him in this life and you feel emotion about him as if you were here for his passing so many years ago. You have an old soul, Tanner. Something almost unworldly about your connection with people and I have been in awe of this trait ever since you were little. I can only explain it as something spiritual that I will never in my life be able to put into proper words, but it truly is a gift.
Tanner, you have so many amazing traits and there is something so incredibly special about you. You have the power to command a room, the ability to make someone laugh at the drop of a hat and the compassion to be there for anyone and everyone who needs it. Please remember to always use this charisma and energy for good because I know you are meant to do amazing things in this world.
Eleven years ago – unbelievable – you and I were going through the biggest milestone we have faced together. In the hospital at only 21 years old and I was about to meet you for the first time. You are my first born. You and I will experience everything in your life for the first time together. And there will be times, I know, where I won’t have all of the answers. But I can promise you that I will always be there for you, I will always have your back and you will always have me as a safe place.
Tanner, be there for your siblings. They look up to you more than you will ever know and you have the ability to lead and guide them in ways that only a sibling could. I am incredibly grateful they have you as their older brother to be there for them for whenever Dad and I cannot. We love you more than words could ever express and more intensely than you could ever imagine. You will experience this yourself when you have your own children and it will change you as a person. I can’t wait to see that day come as much as it hurts to watch you grow older. Stop doing it so fast, OK?
Happy Birthday, Tanner.
With every part of me and more,
(Take a look back at Tanner’s 10th birthday, 9th birthday and 8th birthday)
birthday letter, motherhood